What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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