Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
