I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
