Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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