Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
