So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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