This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
