that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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