then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
