I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
