I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
