Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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