To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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