I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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