remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just invented taco cereal.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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