I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
