if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
