We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
