a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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