he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
