theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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