Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
