weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
