dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
