Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
