Sponge bath it is.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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