yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
