Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
