Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
