Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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