Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
be right there i have to get my cape
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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