We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
be right there i have to get my cape
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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