I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
