carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
