everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
do herpes really smell.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
