Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
