Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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