God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
