you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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