WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
