Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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