i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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