Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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