I just made out with a guy for $7.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
