Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
