It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
