I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
