I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
