Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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