Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
