I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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