As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
