the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
