she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
