I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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