You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
