then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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