he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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