FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
