Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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