I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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