If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Dignity is for republicans.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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