True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
