her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
nutella sex= disaster
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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