I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
