even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
