I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
