Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
