you guys were way drunker than both of me
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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